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Looks really do matter

06 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by cosasalvajetequila in Dating Advice

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 Looks do matter: With any new information, the first step is accepting its validity. And in this case, it means absorbing an unpopular, but undeniable reality — looks matter and they impact relationships. As superficial as it may seem, it’s a truth most of us recognize instinctively, even if it’s one we hate to admit. So, while we like to believe, “it’s what is inside that counts,” clearly who we are and how we look matter to our partners.

Remember, for most of us, our first encounters with our mates involved physical attraction, from the initial exchange of smiles to that memorable first kiss. We become intoxicated by our mate’s scent, by the way they feel and the way they make us feel. Regardless of their “objective” physical appearance, they become beautiful to us. Our experience of our mate is most often based on a developing an interpersonal connection as well as an ongoing physical one. As the relationship evolves, the hope is that both will grow.

Our culture has come a long way in broadening the roles that partners play in each other’s lives. Women no longer simply attract a mate to stay at home and have babies. Men don’t just seek a mate to produce and protect a family. But physical attraction still matters in the success of relationships. And unless we find a healthy way to take that into account, we do a disservice to ourselves — and our partners.

Published on May 21, 2012 by Vivian Diller, Ph.D. in Face It

 

 

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What men really mean……is it mean? No it’s what they really mean!

04 Sunday Nov 2012

Posted by cosasalvajetequila in Dating Advice

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5 Deadly Terms Used By A Woman

(1) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they know they are right & you need to shut up.

(2) NOTHING: Means something and you need to be worried.

(3) GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission, so whatever it is do not do it.

(4) WHATEVER: This is a woman’s way of saying, forget you.

(5) THAT’S OKAY: She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake.

These are all pretty spot on and I actually blogged about the dreaded “nothing” always meaning something (a man did wrong). But here’s my take, from the male perspective, on 5 Things Men Say & What They Really Mean.

(1) “I’ll Call You Later”
The problem with this statement is interpretation, or better yet misinterpretation. While men will define the word “later” as any time after now, women tend to have a specific window of time that defines “later” as meaning as soon as I reach my destination. It’s like somewhere between the words leaving a man’s mouth (or fingers via text) and reaching a woman’s ears, she adds an additional word like “tonight” after “later.” When I say, “I’ll call you later,” it doesn’t guarantee that later will take place within the next 24 hours just what it means, I’ll call you later—whenever that may be.
Translation: He’ll call when he has the time or remembers.

(2) “I’ve Been Busy”
Now this is often the first thing a man says when he hasn’t called a woman “later.” It’s actually a very valid reason when there’s major life catastrophes going on (death in the family, moving, new job, moonlighting as a superhero, etc.) but more times than not “busy” just means occupied with something (or someone) else. We’ve all heard the saying that a man makes time for the things he’s interested, right? Well, unless he’s Bruce Wayne that’s generally true.
Translation: He’s probably not that into you.

(3) “Wow, That’s Interesting”
Chances are whatever you’re talking about is actually pretty darn interesting, unfortunately only to you. However, since it’s apparently important to you he’ll play along and fake interest just for the possibility of scoring with you.
Translation: Sorry, I wasn’t listening and I couldn’t care less.

(4) “I’m Not Looking For a Relationship”
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; men usually tell women where their head is at from jump but most women just tend to ignore what we say. If a man tells you on the first date that he’s not in a space where he’s looking for a relationship but you are and still pursue this man for a commitment down the line; who’s at fault when things don’t work out? Exactly, you. What some women try to do is trick themselves into believing he’ll change his mind, but most men generally stick to their guns and if you stick around after he declares his desire to stay single he’s not wrong in assuming you’re with it. When I broke up with my last girlfriend after college I told myself I needed to be single and made that clear to any woman I met. While I may have been upset at the few that walked away after a few months because they wanted more, at the end of the day I respected their decision to do so because it made sense.
Translation: He’s telling you the truth.

(5) “What Are You Talking About?”
This is my general response when I’m being accused of something that’s probably true but I won’t admit to for whatever reason. For instance, a date asks, “Why were you looking at another woman’s butt?” My response, “What are you talking about?” It’s usually a knee-jerk response that I subconsciously use to kill time so I can come up with a valid excuse. It also works well at transferring the focus from me to her by making her think she’s crazy and/or paranoid. By time she’s finished defending herself, she’s either forgotten my discretion or I’ve had time to come up with an reasonably valid excuse.
Translation: He’s lying.

How true was the five phrases women say and what they mean? If someone says they’ll call you later do you assume that means the same day? Do you buy it when someone says they’ve been busy? Do you agree that people make time for the things they’re really interested in? Have you ever faked interest in something someone was talking about just because you liked him/her? Would you rather someone tell you they’re not interested or is that rude? Do you take someone at their word when they say they’re not looking for a relationship? Have you ever tried to sway someone on that decision? How’d that work out for you? What’s your thoughts on the list of things men say and what they really mean?

 http://nwso.net/2011/03/27/5-things-men-say-what-they-really-mean/

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