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Check Please

27 Monday May 2013

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Don’t do dinner for first dates.

There is nothing worse than getting stuck at a long dinner with someone for whom you just don’t like, especially since dinner doesn’t have any outs. Not Alone but Lonely
For this reason, I always advise my clients that first dates be planned for drinks only. This keeps the pressure off, because you always have the opportunity to leave after one drink if you aren’t feeling it. Or you can stay for a second drink if you are. Plus we aren’t the most attractive when we eat anyway.

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Dating During Divorce

19 Friday Apr 2013

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People have mixed feelings about dating while going through the divorce process. While dating someone new can boost your confidence after a break-up, should you wait until the divorce is officially over before seeking out someone new?

Returning to the single life is a major adjustment. However, it also offers an exciting second chance at love. Some people have no issues dating before the divorce is final. Others would rather sign the divorce papers before moving ahead. And still others think they won’t date until the divorce is finalized, but they change their mind when they meet someone new. You just never know when fate will intervene and a new special person will come along.

Here are some reasons that dating during divorce may be the right choice for you:

You Feel More Positive: Dating will keep your mind off of the negative aspects of divorce. It will get you in an upbeat frame of mind.

 

You Can Relax More: You have probably been under a lot of pressure. Dating someone new gives you the opportunity to relax more.

 

You’re Able To Open Up: When you’re dating, you’re much more open and social.

 

You Make New Contacts: The person you’re dating is sure to have friends and it will create a whole new network of people for you.

 

You Can Renew Your Sex Life: In the final stages of your marriage, there was probably no sexual contact. Now you’re free to enjoy what you’ve been missing.

 

You Broaden Your Horizons: You will probably do things that you haven’t done in a long time now that you’re single. Be open to going on dates to art galleries, concerts and other cultural events. You can also go out with people that are in totally different worlds than the married world you were in.

 

Despite the above benefits of dating during divorce, you simply may not be ready to do so. Here are some reasons dating during divorce may not be right for you:

 

You Are Not Healed Yet: You may think that you’re ready to date, but you might not be healed yet emotionally. It is beneficial to work through any unsettled issues before taking on a new love interest.

 

You Are Worried About the Kids: Dating before the divorce is final may not be best for your kids. Sure you can be discrete, but you don’t want to be distracted from their needs.

 

You Would Like to Be More Financially Secure: Dating someone new can be expensive. You may need some time to get your finances settled after the divorce before you go on some nights out on the town.

 

You Want to Spend Some Time Alone: You may want be alone for a bit and dating may not allow for that. You can do things you haven’t done for a while or see friends you haven’t seen.

 

You May Be Judged: People who are against dating until the divorce is official may judge and gossip about you for moving forward now.

 

You’d Rather Date Someone Who Is a Parent: You may want to wait to meet someone else who is a single parent so you can relate to each other.

 

 

Author, divorce blogger and divorce party planner

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lois-tarter/dating-during-divorce_b_3082409.html?utm_hp_ref=life-after-divorce

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is GOOD SEX?

19 Tuesday Mar 2013

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That’s a funny question , because it has sooooo many answers.

I remember hearing stories over the years of women saying what great sex they had..and your thinking “really”…you don’t have to ask them , because you know they are going to tell you anyway…whats the point of having “great Sex” if you cant tell anyone?, (is what they are thinking)…and you know they are full of S%^&…but we listen anyway…because I don’t think they know what great sex is. Ignorance is seriously bliss. Since they have nothing to compare it to, everything feels fantastic , so they think or try to convince themselves.

Geez ..the stories…the dressing up and role playing ,the weird toys, the hot wax …doesn’t that hurt? ….the comments they say while making bad porn noises….that’s usually when I want to hide behind my pillow. The incense they light , and the things that their partner told them to say to them. And of course they had 12 orgasms…uh huh right! I think that they were trying to convince me and everyone else they told how great their weird night was.

Bad sex doesn’t become Bad Sex until you’ve actually had good sex. In fact, you could live your entire life thinking you were having the most mind-blowing sex until you meet someone who actually knows what they’re doing, and then you’re like, What the heck ?

So what is good sex?

Well to you it might be the thigh highs and George Micheal ” I want your sex” playing in the background… or it could be because you love someone so much that just being with them minus all the props feels like you good never imagine yourself being anywhere else. Plus you could never or would never tell a soul about how great it is, there is no words to describe it. The moment is truly sacred.

 

Leave A Little Mystery!!!!

08 Friday Feb 2013

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A Lot of matchmakers and matchmaking services have different ways they first make a introduction between people. Most just send photos and see which person clicks and then they give the phone number to the one person they want to meet.

I personally don’t like this way I think you should meet before you talk, of course after you have seen photos and your matchmaker feels this person is a good candidate for you. I feel its odd to just call someone you don’t know and expect to get the butterflies that are supposed to happen when you first see someone. When you are out in the world and you see someone that you are attracted to you don’t call them first. You react to the hormones that are going off and turn you on when you look at them.

Like anything else you need to find the service or Matchmaker that works for you , and that gives you a chance to meet someone in the most natural way……..this in the end will give you the best results .

I will put in a lot of time to find someone that you will want to meet …. the excitement you feel before you meet them is well worth the wait. IMG_9406 (2)

Sex with your ex

09 Sunday Dec 2012

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You see it on TV all the time – a divorced couple hopping into the
sack for some afternoon delight. There’s even a song devoted to divorce sex from the television show “Cougar Town,” with the line: “It’s the best….but you’ll regret….sex with your ex…..”

Nobody talks about it but everybody’s doing it

Despite
how common it is, it’s not easy finding much research done on divorcing
and divorced couples getting that final hook up. There’s a lot out
there about dating after a divorce, but there isn’t much exploration of
that dirty little window of time between separation and divorce or just
after your divorce when for lots of all-too-human reasons a lot of
people fall back into old, familiar patterns, back into old, comforting
sexual routines with their exes. I suspect the lack of public
conversation is because most folks don’t want to talk about it. They just want to do it. The secrecy, the absurdity, the naughtiness is what makes it so hot.

Luckily,
people tell me stuff. So gathering all of my expert investigative
reporting skills I have discovered certain patterns that emerge in
ex-sex that I think are worth noting. See if any of these sound
familiar:

Hot Hate Sex: You’ve got two people who have a tremendous amount of energy and chemistry between them that looks and feels like hate.
They
trash talk each other endlessly to anyone who will listen (alas, most
often the kids) and seem stuck in the white-hot heat and intensity of
divorce in its earliest and meanest phase. OF COURSE THE SEX IS HOT.
Basically, you’ve got two adolescents rampaging on the hormonally
adolescent-like fumes of grief, rage, relief, terror and revenge.
It can happen once and flame out. Or it can sizzle for a while, until
it crashes. Both ways end badly. You can’t sustain it. All the old
wounds and rawness and resentments come tumbling out from under the
sheets with you. Usually one person (the woman) has harbored some tiny
fantasy that you might, despite it all, be able to get back together now
that the sex is hot and when that inevitably doesn’t happen, and things
inevitably get ugly again, it hurts all the more. Again.

Published on February 23, 2012 by Pamela Cytrynbaum in Because I’m the Mom

Chemical Attraction

24 Saturday Nov 2012

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There are so many choices for everything these days …. Realtors, Doctors, Hairdressers, and even Matchmakers. Like with anything you choose, you want what is right for you. This belief should also apply when picking a Matchmaker. You need to have faith in the Matchmaker , and make sure they get you What you want. Which is really what it boils down to, What you want. You don’t want someone telling you that your choices are wrong , you want someone to know what you are attracted to, and what type of person is going to make you release Adrenaline and Dopamine when you see them. Your Matchmaker has to understand you and has to think like you .Because falling in love isn’t planned , it just happens. Its all in the hormones.

Too much Too soon

08 Thursday Nov 2012

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How much is too much to disclose on a first date? How much should you reveal when entering a new relationship? I am personally not a big fan of letting it all out, although the wine might disagree. I think we have to remember that too much info is a turn off. You shouldn’t misinterpret a few head nods or a properly timed response as interest. And don’t fool yourself into thinking that it is a good idea to talk about your ex-girlfriend, who you still find sleeping on your couch every once in awhile. The attractive man sitting across from you is probably more interested in seeing you clad in leather than how “absolutely adorable” your daughter looked as pumpkin last halloween. Jersey Shore is not mysterious and fantasy football is not seductive. The human mind has a tendency to fill in the blanks with positive traits. Make sure there are some blanks left to be filled in.

We all have a past. Some more colorful than others. No matter how interesting you think you are, don’t forget that getting to know someone is just that. Get to know THEM. It takes time, a long time, to really know someone. Don’t rush. It is a first date, not a storytelling contest.  My personal opinion is that a Brazilian bathing suit is better than a g-string. You need to leave a little for the imagination.

Looks really do matter

06 Tuesday Nov 2012

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 Looks do matter: With any new information, the first step is accepting its validity. And in this case, it means absorbing an unpopular, but undeniable reality — looks matter and they impact relationships. As superficial as it may seem, it’s a truth most of us recognize instinctively, even if it’s one we hate to admit. So, while we like to believe, “it’s what is inside that counts,” clearly who we are and how we look matter to our partners.

Remember, for most of us, our first encounters with our mates involved physical attraction, from the initial exchange of smiles to that memorable first kiss. We become intoxicated by our mate’s scent, by the way they feel and the way they make us feel. Regardless of their “objective” physical appearance, they become beautiful to us. Our experience of our mate is most often based on a developing an interpersonal connection as well as an ongoing physical one. As the relationship evolves, the hope is that both will grow.

Our culture has come a long way in broadening the roles that partners play in each other’s lives. Women no longer simply attract a mate to stay at home and have babies. Men don’t just seek a mate to produce and protect a family. But physical attraction still matters in the success of relationships. And unless we find a healthy way to take that into account, we do a disservice to ourselves — and our partners.

Published on May 21, 2012 by Vivian Diller, Ph.D. in Face It